Being peace - today

How can we bring peace - real peace and love and understanding - into our current, very heated, political and social discussions? Here's a DRAFT of a proposal we hope to bring to our local Quaker Meeting.

Learning to have meaningful conversations about difficult topics

Summary:

• Our society is increasingly divided and given to strident statements that express a point of view, but show little respect for opposing viewpoints.
• The divisions in our society can be seen in the different views held by members of the three Quaker Meetings in the region – Smith Neck, Allens Neck, and Westport.
• n an attempt to apply the Quaker peace testimony broadly to our personal interactions, we propose the creation of a monthly series of events on the “Conversation Café” model.
• The purpose of these events will be to hold meaningful conversations about difficult topics and in the process hone our skills for compassionate listening.
• The goal here is to promote a process that builds respect, trust, and understanding – not a particular point of view on any specific issue.

The problem:

As a society we are increasingly divided along liberal/conservative lines, and few efforts are being made to cross this divide and honestly hear opposing points of view. In short, good people are becoming increasingly exasperated with one another, and the behavior model they are following is driven by a mass communications system which puts the emphasis on sound bites and dramatic posturing. It values conflict over agreement because conflict is more exciting. Under these circumstances it is critical that we help people – starting with ourselves – hear one another.

The three Quaker Meetings in the region – Westport, Allens Neck, and Smith Neck – have members who hold very different viewpoints on key issues that divide our society today, such as the Iraq war and gay marriage. How do we get the people in these Meetings – who share a common foundation in the Quaker faith – to better understand one another on these issues?

The proposed solution:

Urge the three Meetings to share in the creation of a regular (monthly) event modeled along the lines of a “Conversation Café.”

As Meetings, we would agree on a process for these events and that process would be strictly adhered to. But to keep the agenda from being dominated by one group with a single perspective, a different Meeting would host the event each month. The host Meeting would decide upon the topic of conversation for a given event.

There are some assumptions that this is a “coffee house” or “lecture series.” It is not. In fact it is not an attempt to promote any specific viewpoint on any given issue. It is an attempt to promote a process of compassionate listening.

This is an attempt at “being peace” – at living our peace testimony not simply by opposing war, but by alleviating conflict closer to home.

Quaker peace activist Gene Knudsen Hoffman, who has pioneered Compassionate Listening as a peacemaking process, observes that "an enemy is one whose story we haven't heard." This is the idea that once you truly hear others’ stories, and understand their grievances and sufferings, you will be unable to consider them as enemies. You may disagree with them utterly, or find their actions abhorrent, but even so you will see them as human beings.”

The “Conversation Café” approach has been tried in many communities and is detailed in separate documents. However, I’d like to put on record the process by which we arrived at this concept, as it may help with understanding what we hope to accomplish.

Background

The group that was holding the public peace vigils every Monday during the lead-up to the Iraq War found that while the vigils helped promote a viewpoint, they failed to establish effective communications with those who did not share this viewpoint. There should be something more we can do on a long range basis that would put our peace testimony into action. We met several times to explore different possibilities, and during these conversations ideas such as a lecture series – or movies – followed by discussion, were raised.

From these discussions we went on to explore the concept of a “Listening Project.” This can be used as a generic term, but it really has a very specific meaning. Listening projects are used where there is a definable community – a town or Meeting – split on a very specific issue, such as gay marriage. In such a project trained volunteers, working in pairs, visit people in the community and listen – without prejudice – to the points of view presented by these individuals.

We explored this idea – and talked with a person in Rhode Island who had carried out such a project on the issue of the US response to 9/11. Our conclusion was that while we liked the foundational ideas behind a “listening project,” we couldn’t see an effective way to apply it to our particular situation.

The foundational ideas behind a listening project involve three related skills that we think Quakers generally express and apply, but that need refining in application to specific issues. Those skills usually fall under label such as:

• Compassionate listening


• Active listening


• Non-violent communications

Answering that question led us to the concept of a “Conversation Café.” While we think this concept could be refined and as a group we should come up with our own specific guidelines, the published guidelines for such a “café” are a good starting point. Here are two documents that express those guidelines. The first is a good summary of the concept, aimed at the participants in such a café. The second goes into more detail and is aimed at those who would lead these events.

Armed with these documents – and drawing on the experience of others – we think we are ready to promote this approach to the three Quaker Meetings. In doing so, there are people within the Quaker community – and broader peace community – who could be called upon to help train those who would be organizing and leading these events.

There is excellent introductory on the conversation cafe Web site .

http://www.conversationcafe.org/