August 25, 2003

Bush league

Bush league

Sick But True. KB Toys Has Just Released... Elite Force Aviator: George W. Bush - U.S. President and Naval Aviator

I gotta laugh - if I didn't I would cry.

Update: Don points out that Mike Fiore got to this issue a couple of weeks ago in his usual style. See:

Posted by Greg Stone at 05:41 AM | Comments (2)

August 19, 2003

Now this is funny, as the best advice is - and profound, as the best humor is.

This must be the season for great - and this case concise - speeches. In any event, here's what Kurt Vonnegut's had to say to the graduating class at MIT. (Thanks for forwarding this Pina!)

Whoops! Just got an update from Pina. It's not by Vonnegut. It's just good. Apparently this puppy has been making the rounds for some years, though this is the first time I've seen it. Funny - is it any less worthy because it is not Vonnegut? I mean, this is not the kind of speech that calls for special credentials. Eithers it's good, or it isn't. As the author declaims at the outset:"My advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience." I think the advice is good. Vonnegut should wish he had spoken it ! Meanwhile, you can go here if you would like more details about the hoax - but I think the speech itself makes for much better reading. Although there seems still to be some uncertainty about the author, according to the article cited the honor goes to Chicago Tribune columnist Mary Schmich.

Ladies and gentlemen:

1. Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.

2. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.

3. Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.

4. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

5. Do one thing every day that scares you.

6. Sing.

7. Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

8. Floss.

9. Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

10. Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

11. Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

12. Stretch.

13. Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life.

14. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

15. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

16. Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

17. Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

18. Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

19. Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

20. Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good.

21. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

22. Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few, you should hold on.

23. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

24. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.

25. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

26. Travel.

27. Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.

28. Respect your elders.

29. Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund.

30. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

31. Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

32. Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it.

33. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

34. ...But trust me on the sunscreen.


Posted by Greg Stone at 01:15 PM

August 05, 2003

So how was your day?


(Sorry - but this can take 3-5 minutes to download over a modem.)


I needed that!

(forwarded by Tori ;-)

Posted by Greg Stone at 07:36 PM | Comments (1)