June 28, 2003

Masked bandit startled, confesses!

Masked bandit startled, confesses!

Raccoon on feeder

Did I use this pictures before? I can't seem to find it. But somewhere I used it and some where Fred Thurber saw it. Fred writes a nature column for the local paper and he offered to send it to them, which he did. This week it was featured large on the editorial page with this caption:

"Caught in the Act - Brenda Stone of Westport caught this raccoon red-handed during a nocturnal raid of her birdfeeder."

It never fails to crack me up. The raccoons are frequent visitors and we usually photogrpah them through our windows, but for this picture Bren went out the front door, snuck around the house, and surprised the little thief!

Coincidentally, before I posted this, Dom decided to use the crime metaphor as his wife caught another "thief" in action. See it here!

Posted by Greg Stone at 05:43 AM | Comments (1)

June 20, 2003

Play it again, Sam. . .

Dom, having seen the posting in Family about hearing loss, sends this story along:

A famous violinist got himself lost in the jungles of deepest Africa. A lion pounced on him and was about to devour him when the violinist said: "Before you eat me, please let me play my violin one last time."

The lion agreed. The violinist played a melody so sweet that the lion just lay down at his feet. Other fierce animals soon came out of the woods and were totally enchanted by the music. But on a tree behind, a panther crept along a branch, took his time, and then sprang on the musician, killing him instantly.

The animals were aghast. The lion, with a mighty blow, flattened the panther. "You idiot," said the lion, "the man was playing the greatest music ever heard. Why did you kill him?" "Eh?" said the panther, cupping his paw behind one ear.

Posted by Greg Stone at 05:12 AM

June 16, 2003

BMW hosed!

This just in from Dom - need I say more?

BMW hosed

Posted by Greg Stone at 07:27 AM

June 11, 2003

Now that's terror!

from Dom:

At Sydney Airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public
school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor, and a graphical calculator.

Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.

He is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.

Posted by Greg Stone at 04:57 AM

June 04, 2003

Now this is a class act!

(The following was forwarded by Sr. Madeleine Tacy of UMass Dartmouth - many thanks.)

Here are 16 actual error messages seen on computer screens in Japan where they are written in Haiku. You would have to agree that they are far more interesting than "your computer has performed an illegal operation."

The Web site you seek cannot be located but countless more exist.

Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent and reboot. Order shall return.

Program aborting: close all that you have worked on. You ask far too much.

Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No-one hears your screams.

Yesterday it worked. Today it is not working. Windows is like that.

Your file was so big. It might be very useful but now it is gone.

Stay the patient course. Of little worth is your ire. The network is down.

A crash reduces your expensive computer to a simple stone.

Three things are certain: death, taxes and lost data. Guess which has occurred?

You step in the stream but the water has moved on. This page is not here.

Out of memory. We wish to hold the whole sky but we never will.

Having been erased the document you're seeking must now be re-typed.

Posted by Greg Stone at 10:34 AM

June 01, 2003

And they were trying to be so serious!

The following quotes are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are alleged to be things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Dom forwarded them to me, noting that I had probably seen them before. One of the benefits of getting old is failing memory - so while I may have seen them before, I've forgotten and found them funny. Perhaps you never saw them - or like me, you can't remember if you did ;-)

Q: Are you sexually active?

A: No, I just lie there.

Q: What is your date of birth?

A: July 15th.

Q: What year?

A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

A: Yes.

Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

A: I forget.

Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?

A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

Q: How long has he lived with you?

A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?

A: He said, Where am I, Cathy?"

Q: And why did that upset you?

A: My name is Susan.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

A: Yes.

Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?

A: Yes.

Q: How many were boys?

A: None.

Q: Were there any girls?

Q: Can you describe the individual?

A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?

A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No.

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Posted by Greg Stone at 11:35 PM